So the middle of the week i got invited to someones 50th, and i'd said i'd go. It was 7.30pm tonight, it's just gone 7.35pm and i've stayed home. What has this got to do with porn? Well not a great deal, more of a personal thing of why am i so anti-social? I left it for my parents to go to, i told them not to make excuses for me and just let my non-appearance speak for itself and not surprisingly and deservedly so i feel really guilty. Utter selfishness on my part. I think i'm hoping my typing this out it'll free me of those feelings but nah, i deserve to be haunted by them. Ok he wasn't really a good friend, friend of the family, but he asked me point blank on the phone as to whether i was going and i said yes. So not only have i lied to someone i've let them down as well. Marvellous. I feel like a cunt. The deeper question is why am i so anti-social? Why couldn't i think of an excuse on the phone? I when i was speaking to him i was grasping at straws, why can't i go? why can't i go? and drew a massive blank. Could not think of a reason, i mean who is busy on a Sunday night?? I should've said something like 'well i think i have something on, i'll have to get back to you' and left it at that. Hindsight is always 20-20. Along with that there was an old school friend that was going to be there, haven't spoke to him in almost 13 years, and i was saying how it would be great to catch up and that and blah blah blah. Mentally my brain has just curled up into a ball and is hiding in a corner. I'm going to be rolling this around my mind for weeks to come, and who knows what the repercussions may be. Plus my Mam is going to kill me when she comes back. My Dads not arsed either way but that's him, and there will be a whole post dedicated to him coming up.
At any rate i shall be a loner for a looooong time to come if i carry on like this. Karma is a bitch and something is around the corner. So yes i am a complete wanker this week but because of porn.
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